| “To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.” - Robert Muller
Tonight I told my dad how sorry I was. He cried. I cried. Yet, I couldn't look straight into his eyes so my face when I hugged him was passed his so he wouldn't see me crying. I don't know why I still hold the anger for the things he called me, but I feel as if I should let it go. His condition isn't exactly the best and I don't know what to do.
I cried. I'm still crying. I've grown weak to the point of no existence.
Not only do I feel hurt. But I hurt someone I love dearly... And it hurts even more because anger took over. My stupidity fell over like rain. It just falls openly not noticing it was falling. You can't control rain, you can't control how your walking in the rain.. But you can fix it by using an umbrella or a rain coat. I per-say... Did not use anything, yet I walked that stormy road. I let the rain drench my clothes and I did nothing about it. I should have worn that rain coat. I should have taken that umbrella, yet I didn't. I didn't realize there was one till it was too late. The rain got me.
I'm not sure if any of that made sense, but somehow it made perfect sense to me. Some people don't get my explanations but it really doesn't matter. My metaphors, my figure of speech, my journals. Is just a way to help me get through the things that bother me. Helps me clear up or at least... Help me get through things that are bothering me.
I must let go of what makes things worse in my life.
---I must look forward to the future.
"People don't plan to fail. They just fail to plan."
I guess maybe I'm getting too technical here. Or my explanation sounds bizarre. But somehow.. Again.. It makes sense to me.. It helps me clear up a bit. But yet, it doesn't help the people around me. So how can I explain myself better?
Sorry isn't good enough.
How much longer does it take to wait? How long can your patience go? When will you find your peace... with yourself...?
Waiting can take forever. Patience can last forever. Peace.... With yourself... Can probably be never... That's not true. We fail to plan our future... Our patience grows weary... That the negative side takes over. Am I right? Or am I right? I'm not trying to prove anything to anyone.. I guess this is a conversation to myself. Just openly available for others to read if they have their own opinions.
I know I can be a ditz sometimes. I don't realize the obvious. It's true. I really don't. And I only realize it until its too late. I need to fix that about myself. People I love are hurting because of the things I'm doing...
Should I even continue this journal? I feel like reading just this is depressing. Back when I was in high school... I kept things to myself in person but when I get a pen and paper handy... I can write all day till my whole mind clears up. Now... Oooh now... Now it's different. I feel as if I can't write everything in my journal. I feel like my journal would not give me that support I need anymore. It's almost as if my journal turned its back on me. Almost as if, my journal would not listen to my thoughts as well. So why even write? HAHA! I sound crazy right now. I'm talking about an inanimate object. That's the sign saying I should stop talking now and try to get some sleep.
To those I love.. Please forgive my stupidity.
-p |
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Cuzzo for Life
My BLOOD, My LOVE.
No matter how far you move, no matter where you go,
My LOVE will always show.
Love you cousin.
Princess Kate |
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| Sometimes it's hard to understand the one's your closest to love (your parents?) I want to scream. Sometimes you just don't want them around and you want them to leave you alone... ...I wish it was just a bad dream... -Princess |
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